There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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