Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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