i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
