I wannas sexs uuuuu
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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