im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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