Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
