so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
