can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
