She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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