Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
