my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
