when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
