i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
