Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
