I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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