I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
