FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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