the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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