his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
