ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
