dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
