fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
