I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
