I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
