Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
