My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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