Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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