come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
