i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize