he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
