I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
