Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
