i wish my penis had a tongue
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
