He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
