Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish I only lived at night.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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