I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
