He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When are your genitals available?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
