these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
