the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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