you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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