i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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