Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
