Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
