I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
