would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm like, not good at living.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
