you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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