I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
