Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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