dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
