Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
