I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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