tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
