erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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