So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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