An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
