escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
