:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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