i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Randomize
