so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
