I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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