Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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