Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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