im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
