Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
