normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
