your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
