omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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