In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
