she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize