Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
