SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
