On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
