My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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