So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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