Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
