We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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