If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
