Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
