dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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