if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
