It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
