i was born a porn star she said
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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