Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize