Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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