I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
