I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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