mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
