No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
