So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
