wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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