i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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